CHAPTER 1 - WAYS TO ENSURE EMOTIONAL WELL- BEING

Before diving into the article, I have a question for all my readers here. 

Is the brain a part of our own body? 

Did we all say yes..? 

Then what’s the need of creating so much stigma around it unlike the liver, kidneys, and the heart. 

Why is any other organ or body part dysfunctionality normal but low mental immunity such a huge issue? 

Let’s see, because society might call us crazy? 

Well, I believe that no one person is completely sane in this world. We all have our own share of dysfunctionalities and being a little offbeat will keep us going in this twisted world. But coming to the other side of being offbeat - the more serious levels of having low mental health immunity causing us emotional stress and pain that drives us crazy. 

Yes, I am talking about all those times when people take depression, anxiety, stress, emotional vulnerability, and distancing, a joke and treat it like just a ‘phase’. 

The foremost thing to understand and adapt here is that this is no fun and it is extremely harmful if not attended to with proper care. 

‘What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversations’

Frequently, when we consider "well-being," we first think of our bodies' or our physical health. Our mind is what we neglect most when discussing care, despite being a crucial component of being "healthy." Psychological well-being is frequently envisioned as a blend of beneficial outcomes, including enjoyment, with peak performance in a person's personal and social interactions. In essence, it revolves around lives doing smoothly. 

People with high psychological well-being are content with their lives, happy, capable, and well-supported. They don't harbor resentments or regrets since they are happy with where they are right now. Not only do these people feel well and joyful, but they also work well. This enhances the individual's control over his life and relationships and also gives a sense of purpose to his existence. 

Often what people struggle with is being able to get a hold of their emotions. They are clueless as to what to feel when and how to react. The most important thing to do is here keep both the negatives and positives in one's lives. How both sides of a situation/person exist at all times but only one is what we are able to see. Why? Well that's because that is the part we focus on!! 

FORGIVE, FORGET, MOVE FORWARD 

However, preaching this sometimes leads us to be positive at ALL times. We the good in people, places and situations. But what if the circumstances are such that they negativities are pushed right into our face?? 

Well let's do an exercise to think through this -take a deep breath in and to hold it, not breathe out. 

It is tough!! Isn't it?? 

You almost let it out in 15-20 seconds. 

So, what was easy? - Holding on or letting go? 

Holding onto things makes you feel heavy while letting go feels lighter. It's up-to you what you want to experience. However it is easier said than done. What if letting go, forgiving and moving forward gives the other person an idea as to keep repeating the same things thinking I will always forgive? When is the right time to stop and stand for what you have had is enough? 

This is where I'll advise you to be firm yet soft. Forgive and move on for your own peace. By doing this you aren't encouraging the negatives to keep happening instead you are making things easy and tolerable for your own self. In the end the decision is yours, whether you give another chance or walk away silently, but the first and foremost thing to be done is to FORGIVE. This will make your body, head and mind be at peace. 

Life is too short to hold onto someone's mistakes. 

Forgive and move forward, impersonate a chocolate - be firm and soft at the same time. 

Don't let things, situations or people mess with your peace. 

Don't let them control you. 

If you were meant to be controlled, you would have come with a remote!! 

A. WAYS TO ENSURE EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING 

A.1 Creating Boundaries 

First of all, I want you to answer these questions:

1. Do you feel exhausted (either emotionally or mentally), more often than not? 

2. Have you been in a position wherein you didn’t know where you stand with someone? 

3. Lastly, do you feel you are always the one who is making space for someone else’s needs by replacing them with yours? 

If you answered any or all of them with a ‘yes’, you are lacking in setting boundaries with people around you. 

Now, many feel that creating boundaries sort of makes way for friction or a distance in the relationship where there may or may not be bad blood between you guys. 

Let me tell one thing - SETTING BOUNDARIES IS NOT ABOUT BEING NEGATIVE INFACT IT IS ONE OF THE HEALTHIEST THINGS YOU CAN DO TO ENHANCE YOUR BOND 

What does creating boundaries mean? 

Nah, don’t look for answers because I won’t serve them to you in a golden platter 

Relax and think, what could it mean. 

Just break down the literal meaning of the word 

Boundary is a line which should not be crossed 

Simple, imagine a cricket ground. 

The boundary is not be crossed if you want to prevent the other team from scoring more.

If I were to talk in terms of Indian Mythology, in ‘The Ramayana’, Sita was not supposed to cross the boundary (i.e. the Lakshman Rekha). She did and was eventually was abducted 

Easy now? Yeah? 

I look at creating invisible white lines between me and my people as something that if crossed can prove to be disrespectful or just a means to safeguard both our interests. 

How to create boundaries? 

The framework that I picture is somewhat like this: 
1. Identify the need 
2. Sit with the thought and make a detailed yet crisp outline 
3. Communicate 
4. Give them time to accept 
5. Acknowledge any discomfort from their side (if any) 

6. Give time to let the new routine settle 

7. Live peacefully 

Identifying could look like thinking along the grounds of: WHY do I feel the need to do something like this in the first place WHAT specific incident sparked the thought of boundaries in my head WHAT kind and extent of boundaries do I want to set with this particular person. Once you make a mental note of answers, you can move to the next stage which is - taking down exactly what you want to do now and what you want from the other person. Sit with what you have ‘identified’ and elaborate on what you ‘need’ to do and what you ‘need’ to be done Next thing to do is talk it out. Communicate your uneasiness and make them see what you are struggling with because chances are they didn’t even realize something was wrong in the first place. Since, they didn’t realize it, they might need some time to wrap their head around this and yes, you need to give them this space because boundaries are about enabling people to breathe freely. Do not push them away if they show some resistance because let’s face it, talking about what can and cannot happen is a difficult conversation to hold on. 

Not creating boundaries tends to make you a candle. You brighten the room for everyone and by doing so you are the who melts down. One thing you need to know is this entire process is not for them. 

THIS IS FOR YOU 

I know I said that this is to protect both of you but having boundaries is a first person angle. You have to do this for yourself because it is YOU who is hurting. You could want any kind of boundary - emotional, physical, time ANY KIND All you have to do is COMMUNICATE and BE FIRM The fear of losing them or scaring them away can become a hurdle but once you know where your priorities lie, you’ll be good to go. 

You know how this has helped me personally? - I know exactly where I stand and what my rights are with respect to someone I can be mindful enough to not let anything get to me to an extent that my routine and work is hampered I no longer identify myself as a people-pleaser. People now know not to mess with me I can respect myself and in turn reflect the same I not only feel more self-confident but also it gives me an opportunity to be emotionally balanced I DO NOT LET ANYONE TAKE ME FOR GRANTED 

A.2 Not Taking criticisms personally 

Be it your personal space or your professional space, you will meet people that either don’t like what you are doing or just have nothing better to do themselves. They wait for you to show up only so that they can put you down or find faults in what you have created. You cannot escape the situation because criticisms are literally inevitable. You cannot make everyone around you happy and thus you should practically not even focus on doing that. 

Set your boundaries well, know who matters to you and let only those feedbacks affect you to a point of improvement. Feeling bad about something just makes you human, thus if criticisms actually make you upset, it is no big deal because it only shows that you care that much. Let the emotion sink and like I always say, accept and acknowledge your feelings. Whatever it is, take it all in and if need be it is absolutely okay to take a break. Working half-heartedly will make things only worse and stress you out more because you won’t be able to live up to your optimum. However, if you take that break to reflect on certain things, you’ll bounce back with double the zeal! 

If you are someone who is out and about on any social media platform, you are basically exposing yourself to ten thousands of people. All these are individuals and are responsible for their opinions and behavior, hence you won’t meet everyone who is all praises for you. Backlash and negativity is a part and parcel of the online virtual universe and if you have embraced the good things that it brings to you, you might as well learn to be at least accepting of the other side as well. 

It’s simple - if you don’t like what you do, how do you expect others to show that likeability You should have some amount of confidence in yourself and your craft that no matter who says what, it doesn’t sow the seeds of doubt in your mind. If you hesitate being yourself, you won’t be able to take even a single step ahead. Yes, validations are important but they aren’t the end means. 

Like take me for example, I post anything and everything on all my social media platforms without any filters. 

Do I get praised? 

YES 

Do I get backlashed? 

OF COURSE YES 

Does it stop me from posting content? 

OF COURSE NOT 

If I had stopped posting about menstrual hygiene and sexual harassment on LinkedIn, I wouldn’t have gotten an offer for a position of a creative copywriter in an organization that looks after women development and other social stigmas. Hence, never stop doing what you believe in because results will show. 

Channe Ka Jhaad theory is what I came up with this while in a session on audio platform where someone asked me how do I deal with my content not performing well. 

Why is it called ‘Channe ka Jhaad’ - In Hindi there is this proverb which means that a person is too in the air with his achievements that they get to his head. What I did with this is, I say absolutely, keep yourself on a pedestal but only to have that mindset which helps you keep going. Okay I am going to be really scientific here (just for effect ;) ) 

The theory states that, “Apne app ko channe ke jhaad pe rakho (have confidence in yourself) not to a point that it does comes across as arrogance, but to an extent that lets you stand ground when people try to take you down. Imagine yourself on a scale with marks +2, +1, 0, -1, -2 and see yourself standing on the +2 mark. There are people everywhere trying to pull you down every second but if you already are a few stairs above, you will fall down on a zero and starting from a zero is any day better than starting from a negative.” 

I ain’t saying completely turn your back on criticisms because yes, you should have the courage to listen and accept when you aren’t your best but notice and realize the difference between genuine concern versus toxicity. Not everyone has your best interests at heart and thus not everyone’s opinions should be taken to heart. I am very well aware that you are thinking, “Moksha but this is easier said than done”, trust me I know it is but I have trained myself to reach that point and so can you. All it takes is to know what matters to YOU and how YOU want to move ahead. It will take time to be okay with this fact and that is exactly how it should be, so I don’t want you to stress yourself out. Give it time, know where you stand in terms of priorities and start setting boundaries (you already know how do it! :) )